People say that the habit of writing aids mental health. It’s been a long time I’m feeling extra anxious, some to do with my father getting sick but also the pandemic didn’t help.
That constant (and also forced) hypervigilance sort of shredded my peace of mind. I struggle to do basic things that were once part of my life like meditating for example.
It used to be easy to me to wake up, not look at my phone, make a tea and sit for 20mins of my first round of meditation of the day and now, not so much.
I’m back in my country and off work for the month of April, I stare at the ocean while writing those words, still don’t feel at peace. There’s some extreme agitation making me feel like a drug user in abstinence and I want it to stop.
I want my mind to go back to a state of calm, even calm-er is something I would happily take.
To wake up with no rush to grab my phone to see if something happened or if bad news hit my whatsapp creating the need for me to fly 12h to another country to go to an ICU inside a hospital or worst… Or if a deadly virus is even deadlier and I don’t know what else… Or the war
It’s a lot, but again I don’t want to play the victim here, Gog no! But it’s tiring and I’m willing to find mechanisms and hear tips from people who went through something like this and somehow, managed to balance it out because I’m exhausted.
